New Beginning
by AbCow-xD
Summary: My take on Jordan's feelings after the death of her mother.


It wasn't in Jordan's nature to spend time thinking about her past, and dealing with her issues but now after a long and exhau

It wasn't in Jordan's nature to spend time thinking about her past, and dealing with her issues but now after a long and exhausting day at work, where she had to perform an autopsy to a little girl whose story was similar to her own, she found herself remembering her childhood…

Jordan travelled to the time she was a ten year old. She had just lost her mother. She felt sad, empty, alone. How was her life going to be from that day on? She felt anger and rage growing inside her. How could someone steal her mother? Surely hers wasn't a perfect mother but, still, she was her mother and Jordan needed her. Since that particular day Jordan got used to see her father crying around, but she couldn't. She wouldn't allow herself to cry she would just ignore it. Her mother wasn't dead!

Days, weeks, months passed and things, instead of getting better, were worsening. Jordan felt emptier day after day. She wanted someone to hold her, to protect her, to sooth her, to cuddle with her at night and save her from the nightmares that wouldn't allow her to sleep.

Jordan was suffering. She was suffering but in a way no one wants to suffer. Jordan was suffering silently. When she couldn't take it any longer, she denied even harder everything that had happened to her. She started with busying herself. She applied for every activity she could find. She spent her mornings at school then she would go to the guitar classes and after that she would go to the gymnastics practice. At the end of the day she would go home and do her homework, practice a little more with the guitar, take a shower, have dinner and then she would write some songs or whatever she wanted. Soon this became a routine for Jordan and she started to block everything bad that had happened to her.

Two years passed. Jordan's plan was working. She didn't remember anymore what had happened. Then, one night she woke up with her own screams. Sweat was pouring from her face. Her heart was pounding. Her breathing was frantic. Images flashed on the back of her mind. Everything she had managed to block had came back to haunt her and now, much more forcefully. Jordan hugged herself and started to sing to distract herself. That night was the beginning of many sleepless nights and, once again, Jordan decided she would deal with this alone. She wouldn't tell either her friends or her father. She was strong and didn't want anyone to think otherwise.

She was determined to handle everything alone without bothering the others and without making them sad. Little by little she was drowning and she started to fill her day with more and more activities. That seemed to work for a while, but not for too long. Soon she became too tired. She couldn't sleep at night with the images of her mother, or the voices she heard on her mind. She desperately wanted someone to talk to, she wanted comfort but she figured she had no right to bother her father with something so painful to him. She swallowed her pain and kept suffering alone.

One more year passed. Jordan was missing her mother so much. She hated those painful memories and wanted to run away from them, she just didn't know how. When her father started to get suspicious that she wasn't fine, Jordan opened the doors of her own little world and allowed one or two friend to enter, though she wouldn't tell them about the pain she was feeling, and she tried even harder to fake some happiness.

Since the time Jordan was a child she got used to wake in the middle of the night with those terrible nightmares and today, many years later, she though maybe it was time for her to accept… Suddenly she woke up from her state of trance. She got up from the couch and entered her bedroom. There was Woody fast asleep. Jordan smiled weakly… she was going to trust him with the thoughts and fears that had been chasing her since she was little.

Jordan shook Woody's shoulder slightly. Woody stirred and looked at her… Jordan approached him, and a single tear fell from her face. It was the very first time she allowed herself to cry about her mother. Woody hugged her and whispered sweet words at her ear. Jordan couldn't say anything. The pain was just too much, she cried for what seemed hours and only stopped when her head was pounding from exhaustion. She felt some relief. For the first time she felt some weight being lifted from her shoulders and was glad Woody was being so supportive even though he still didn't know the motive of her cries.

Woody was worried sick about Jordan, she never cried. What was happening with her? He didn't care at the moment. He just held her and let her know he was there for her no matter what… He didn't ask any questions…

Soon tiredness consumed Jordan and she fell asleep in Woody's arms.

For the very first time Jordan was feeling safe and a peaceful night was waiting for her… Not only was a peaceful night waiting for her, but also a new life full of hope, and happiness. It was a new beginning for Jordan Cavanaugh.


End file.
